Through My Eyes
by albinocuriousity
Summary: Juliet's thoughts and feelings directly before and during her first little while at Horizon.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own the Higher Ground characters.

I was thinking for a while about what Jules thought or acted like when she first arrived at Horizon. This story is about that. I'm not sure on its length yet or if I'll really continue with it. It all depends on what you all think.

Chapter one

So, today's another day, another torture session. It started off well enough, it usually does, then breakfast happened and the day went downhill from there.

"Juliet, your father is coming to visit you today," mom informed me as we sat at the dinning room table. "Needless to say he probably won't be around for long, so I want you to not get your hopes up."

I just sighed and thought, "No, of course not."

Mom took that moment to really look at me. "What are you wearing? You look like a street kid. Make sure you change before your dad gets here and stop eating. I can already tell that you're not following the diet plan I laid out for you." She took away my pastry and handed me an apple. "Eat that. It's healthier and less calories. Now remember that if he takes you out to lunch, which he probably will, you need to order a salad."

I just nodded. It was the only thing to do. If I fought back she would criticize me more and I really didn't think I could handle that.

"So, I got a call from your teacher the other day. Apparently, you have the highest grade in the class." She frowned. "How a low A could be the highest grade I have no idea. You need to do better. Follow Rachael's example."

Mom looked at my step-sister and smiled. "We are very proud of your 4.0 grade point average."

I frowned on the inside. How was it that I could never make her happy? How was it that my step-sisters could win her love but I couldn't?

"May I be excused?" I asked.

Mom nodded. "He'll be here in thirty-minutes so be ready."

I ran up the stairs and into my bedroom, locking the door behind me. There was no way I wanted someone walking in on me.

Going into the bathroom, I emptied my stomach. It had become a ritual to me, something I could control and I loved it. I rinsed out my mouth with mouth wash, which helped to get rid of the taste, and then walked out of the room and to my dresser to search for something else to wear. I wanted something nice but not overly so and something that wouldn't show my fatness.

Finally, I settled for a pair of black pants and a nice tank top. Both looked good on me.

Mom and Dad were arguing as I walked down the stairs. I sighed. They always fought. Even when they were together, they fought. Mom didn't like that dad was never home and dad didn't like that she was arguing with him because he brought home the money.

"Juliet," Dad called happily. "It's so nice to see you."

I ran over to give him a hug. "Daddy. I've missed you."

"I know." He said, hugging me back and kissing me on the forehead. He turned to Mom. "I think we will head over to my place for a while, then maybe go to a movie and lunch. I'll bring her home later in the evening."

Mom scoffed. "How you manage to even keep that dump I have no idea. Call me if plans change. I might be out shopping so call my cell."

I headed out to Dad's sports car and climbed in the passenger seat as he sat in the front seat.

"So, how have you been?" He asked driving down the driveway.

"Good." I lied. "How about you?"

"I've been great."

We continued with the simple conversations until we reached his house. It was little, only a two bedroom, but it was cozy and to me it was home. I had my own bedroom which had a nice view of the backyard.

"I'll leave you for a bit while I make some phone calls. You know where everything is?"

I nodded and strolled back into my bedroom. This was typical of him. Leave me to do my own thing for a couple hours then take me out to get food at some restaurant and go to a movie or something. I really didn't like it but what could I do. Plus, I just love getting away from my mom for a bit. Not having her hound me makes this all worth it in the end.

Digging in the desk drawer I pulled out what I was looking for. The small, sharp shiny metal helps take away the pain. I rolled up my pants leg since I forgot (stupid me) to bring along a sweater and swiped the razor across my skin. Then did it again and again.

"What are you doing?" Dad's angry voice came through the fog of happiness. He quickly came over and pulled the razor out of my hands. "What's this? Answer me!"

I couldn't speak. I didn't want to have to explain it. I was dirty, disgusting, a freak.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

I was awake. I knew that. Slowly, my eyes fluttered open then closed quickly from the on slot of sunlight. When my eyes opened again I saw white. All white. White walls, white bed sheets, white everything.

I was in the hospital and remember how I got there too.

After my Dad found out about the cuts, he started lecturing me. I wasn't really listening just thinking about the next time I could cut without someone finding out. That was when the cramps hit. The pain rippled through my stomach and I doubled over. Dad panicked.

Now here I am three days later with a tube down my throat and an IV in my arm while my parents argue about what to do with me next. Mom just wants me to spend a week in the hospital then come home while Dad wants me to go to treatment.

I don't know which I actually want. I hate the idea of going home with Mom but I hate the idea of treatment too. I guess I have to choose the lesser of the two evils. That is, if they would give me a choice but they won't.

There was a light tap on the door and my Dad came in followed by a nurse. The nurse took my vitals.

"Well, your vitals look good. The tube should be coming out in a bit then you'll be able to go," she chirped then left the room.

I just looked after her. What a strange woman.

Dad sat in the chair next to my bed. "Do you want to watch a bit of TV?"

I nodded glad to have something to do. Dad turned the TV on and to the news. I frowned. The news was not what I wanted to watch but it was better than nothing.

Two hours later, I was heading out of the hospital and to my Dad's car. I wondered why Mom wasn't there but didn't dwell on it too long. I was just glad to be getting out.

"Juliet," Dad said as he started the car. "We decided that you will be going to Mount Horizon School."

I looked at him like he was out of his mind and was glad that my throat hurt too much to talk for I don't think I would have been able to control what would have come out.

"Don't give me that. I found out that this is your second time in the hospital. You need help and you'll get it." I glared at him and he sighed deeply. "Just rest for now. We'll be there about noon."

I leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. Mom must have told him about my first hospitalization. The time when I stole Mom's diet pills and overdosed on them. That time I was stuck in the hospital for nearly a week and even then they wanted to keep me longer. I think the only reason Mom pulled me out is because she didn't want me to gain weight. I didn't really care for her reasons just that I was getting out.

When I got home Mom went off on me for about ten minutes then said that I was still expected to keep to the calorie count. If I could have gotten away with it I would have smacked her but I didn't. I acted just how she wanted me to and that was the end of it.

I opened my eyes just as we pulled down a long driveway lined on both sides with trees.

"Well here we are." Dad said.

He parked in front of the office building and I watched as a bulky male stepped out of said building with a red haired female. Dad shook hands with both then gestured to where I was sitting. The female went to my door.

"Hi Juliet. I'm Hannah Barnes one of the counselors here at Horizon. Would you like to get out of the car?"

I slipped out of the car and smiled as Dad handed me two duffle bags.

"Hi Juliet," the male said. "I'm Peter the director of Horizon. Let's go ahead and get you inside so we can start the admission process started."

I walked in next to my Dad. I guess he still had some paper work or something.

Inside the building, I was led into a small window less room which had a table and two chairs. I sat in one of the chairs as Hannah set my bags on the table and started to search through them.

"We have just a couple of rules here to go over. The first is that there is no violence to your self or to someone else. This is a sanctuary where you can focus on your self. Next is there is no inappropriate language, no inappropriate touching and no drugs or alcohol. Now we are going to take you for a physical then talk to you for a couple. From there we'll get you lunch and then you can meet the girls," Hannah told me.

The physical wasn't bad. The doctor made me face the opposite way when he got my weight then he asked me a couple of questions about the cuts and that was it. I've had worse physicals by my own doctor.

In Peter's office I sat in the chair near his desk and waited for him to start. I didn't have to wait long.

"Juliet, do you know why you're here?"

I looked at him with an eyebrow raised. Did he think that I was a total idiot? I nodded.

"Good. Now, we will be requiring that you do a food journal. Your buddy will explain how to do that. We will also be checking you for the next couple of days for new cuts. It's just a precaution. For now though, I'll show you to the cafeteria so you can get lunch. Everyone is in classes for now but after you eat I'll get Hannah to show you to the dorm so you can get settled."

I nodded. It wasn't as if I had any choice in the matter. What was with people and trying to control my life? Why couldn't I make a single decision for myself?


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Higher Ground characters.

Chapter Three

I was sitting on my bed, twirling a strand of thin hair around my pointer finger and trying to ignore the constant supervision of Hannah. I wasn't allowed to be alone after a meal nor was I allowed to be alone for the first day incase I wanted to runaway. Either way, I was to be watched and that didn't settle well with me.

Though, I could understand that they wanted to take precautions incase I wanted to purge after eating (and I did) I still didn't relish being watched at all times. I was used to my privacy but apparently that wasn't allowed either here.

I had finished lunch nearly half an hour ago and you could say that at best it had been an interesting experience. At worst it had been pure torture. I mean I was here for only thirty minutes and someone was already trying to shove food down my throat. Not literally of course but it felt that way. Hannah kept trying to coax me into a few more bites while I just shook my head.

Mom would be furious if she knew what they were trying to feed me here. Of course, I would only tell her if I really wanted to get away from here and at this time I saw no reason.

Sure these people were annoying beyond belief but at least they weren't yelling at me or telling me I was fat or whatever. It was nice to be talked to, not yelled at, not talked down to but actually talked to like I was capable of holding an intelligent conversation.

I once more looked around the cabin I was in trying to see if there were any details I had missed the first five times.

The cabin was built of a light color wood and had windows which let in the natural light through the red curtains.

As you walked into the cabin there was a little sitting area with a chair, couch and a little table. The furniture looked old and used but strangely enough it looked comfortable.

Turning right was the two rows of four beds were also made of wood and were extremely small and uncomfortable. Having been used to my queen size matrice I did not like the idea of having been bumped down to a twin. The beds were covered with green sheets and a green comforter.

At the end of the rows of beds were cabinets to hold our personal belongings in and a door that led to the bathroom. A bathroom we would have to share.

I flopped back to lie on my back and groaned to myself. Maybe I was better off living at home. I shook my head to dispel the thoughts. No. I would stick it out here only until it became absolutely unbearable or I got released.

I would never run away. I just wasn't the live on the street type. Plus I had no where to go. My limited number of friends surely wouldn't hide me even if I begged so I was stuck.

The door to the cabin opened and an African American teenager with long curly black hair walked in. She smiled at Hannah then turned and smiled at me.

"Hi, I'm Katherine," she said. "But you can call me Kat."

"Juliet," I told her my voice raspy. I coughed to clear it. "Pleased to meet you."

Hannah walked over to Kat. "Juliet, Kat will be your first week buddy and as such she will teach you the ropes around here."

I nodded and watched as she left. Was it rude of me to be glad that she was gone? Mom would think so.

"Would you like a tour around the campus?" Kat asked.

I nodded. It wasn't like I had anything better to do.

Kat showed me the campus telling me the important things like above the lodge was the classrooms and the lodge was where group was held. She then explained what group was when I looked confused.

At the end of the tour we sat down at a picnic table and she continued to tell me about the counselors and teachers.

"Peter's cool," Kat said finishing up, "but don't let that fool you. If you break a rule he deals out the most gruesome punishments. You can always go to him, though. He's someone you can trust and relay on and he really cares for every single kid here."

I nodded. There wasn't anything else to do. I never took someone else's word without investigating on my own.

We sat in companionable silence. I was watching the other teens strolling about talking with each other. Other teens were sitting at picnic tables working on what I guessed was school work.

I noticed a group heading our way and Kat smiled, waving to them. In the group, a skinny blonde was scowling while the two boys, one Hispanic the other white, talked to each other ignoring her.

"Hey guys." Kat called. "This is Juliet." She then turned to me and introduced the others.

The mean looking blonde with a baby innocent face was Shelby who apparently had only come three weeks before.

The white boy with short curly brown hair was Ezra and the Hispanic boy was Auggie. Both had gotten there before Shelby but after Kat, who was a senior.

The three sat next to us and started telling me about the school an about classes. Having people around made the time a bit easier and before I knew it they were ushering me towards the dinning hall for dinner.

Inside, I stood in line and grabbed a tray of food before making my way towards where Kat and Shelby were sitting. I sat picking at my food while Shelby made side comments and Kat was urging me to eat more.

I guess since Kat was a senior she was like an adoptive mother for the group because everyone, except Shelby, seemed to look to her for guidance and support. Maybe that was a good thing though I can't really explain why.

After dinner we all met in the lodge for something called group. I wasn't looking forward to the experience.

I sat on the couch with Kat and Auggie while Ezra and Shelby took two chairs and Sophie and Peter took the other two chairs.

"So, tonight we are going to introduce ourselves starting with Ezra," Peter said.

"Well, I'm Ezra and I'm here for doing drugs. Shelby."

"I'm Shelby and I came because Dad didn't want to deal with me. Auggie."

"I'm Auggie. I'm here because the judge sent me here. Juliet."

"Um, I'm Juliet and I was brought because I have an eating disorder. Kat."

"I'm Kat. I came here after my sisters death because of drug use."

"Good, now does anyone have anything they would like to discuss?"

No one said anything. "Alright. I want everyone to go around and say something about themselves that no one knows. We'll go the other way this time so Kat you start."

"Well, I guess no one here knows that I used to be on track. Juliet."

"I like to read. Auggie."

"I don't like getting into trouble."

"Who does," Shelby commented under her breath.

Auggie rolled his eyes, "Shelby."

"I hate my stepfather."

"We already know that," Kat said.

"The newbie didn't," Shelby shot back. "Freakin."

"I like to make documentaries."  
"Good, you guys are done for tonight," Peter told them.

A/N: Sorry everyone for taking so long. I started college and a job so that is taking pretty much all my time. Hopefully, I can start doing regular updates. Thank you to those who have been reviewing. I really appreciate it.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I woke up the next morning exhausted. I hadn't slept well, never slept well in new places. So, I decided at about five in the morning to get up and go outside to think. Though, I didn't like the outdoors, I liked to think outside. The fresh air helped to clear my head and the quiet surroundings gave me the serenity I needed to face whatever was bothering me then head back into the war zone.

I went out towards the dock and sat on the edge with my feet dangling in the water. I thought about my group members and what I had learned about each.

Kat was like a mother hen helping everyone and sort of talking charge of the group. Last night she had told me of her first night here and how she had run. She said that anything I was feeling was perfectly normal. Kat was quickly becoming my favorite person here.

Shelby I had quickly decided after meeting her was a bitch. Sorry for my language. All she did was make snide comments about me, my weight, the school, other kids and anything else she could think of. I felt that nothing would ever be good enough for her or maybe that nothing had ever been.

Ezra was just awkward though I really can't explain why. He's one of those weird kids I would avoid at school for a strange vibe that they held. He had told me of his past drug use and of the overdose that almost killed him. He's nice and I guess I could eventually become friends with him.

Auggie was tough. He acted as if he couldn't be hurt but I knew differently. Its amazing how I could see what he hides behind that mask he wears but I guess its because I hide behind a mask myself that I can see others. He told me that he had been court ordered to attend Horizon but wouldn't tell me why. Did it really matter?

In the horizon, the sun was rising. The sun was the only constant in my life. It rose and it set as if on a schedule while my life kept changing and, in my opinion, that changes weren't for the better. No matter what I could count on the sun.

"What are you doing up," Peter asked from behind me. I jumped, startled, and quickly turned.

"I couldn't sleep," I answered cautiously. Was I going to be in trouble? He nodded as if he had heard the answer before and sat beside me.

"You looked as if you were deep in thought. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

I thought for a moment then said, "I was thinking about the sun. How it rises and sets as if on a timer?" I shrugged. "Its stupid because I know that the earth rotates but-- I don't know."

"Did you get to watch the sun rising a lot at home," he asked.

I shook my head. "I was awake but always too busy. Mom didn't like us wasting the day."

"How do you like the other Cliffhangers?"

"I can see myself becoming friends with them easily. All except Shelby."

He chuckled. "Just give her time."

"I know her kind. I won't ever be buddies with her."

"You never know," he said. "This kind of place seems to bring people closer to those they never thought they would be." He glanced back at the school. "You better start heading back to the cabin. The other girls will be getting up soon and getting ready for breakfast. Make sure you go by the clinic before breakfast."

I huffed but stood gracefully and walked back to the cabin where Kat was already dressed. I didn't see why I need to get punished by having them weigh me every morning. I hadn't done anything wrong yet.

"Where were you?" She asked.

"Down at the docks."

"Yea, that seems to be a favorite hangout place around here. Go on and get dressed. Hannah will be in soon to wake up Shelby."

I went into the bathroom to take a shower then change into a long sleeve shirt and jeans. When I came back out Shelby was awake and grumpy. I ignored her comments and decided that I would rather sit outside than inside with Shelby. Grumbling I decided to walk to the clinic so I could just get it out of the way. Inside the clinic, the atmosphere was relaxing. The walls weren't the dull white of the hospital but a light yellow. I stood just inside the door glancing around nervously until a young woman in nursing pink nursing scrubs bustled my way.

"May I help you," she asked politely.

"I have to get weighed."

"Ah, yes, your name please."

"Juliet."

The woman hurried to the filing cabinet and rustled through until she found the folder she was looking for.

"Please just step over here and I'll get this done as quick as possible."

I nodded and stepped toward the scale where I was told to step on it backwards so that I couldn't see the number.

"You can get off now," she told me as she wrote down the number. I stepped off and she took my vitals. "I want you to come back between classes at ten then again at two forty-five and again at eight thirty for a snack."

I nodded though I had no intention of returning until tomorrow morning before breakfast and left the clinic. I headed towards the cafeteria and grabbed a breakfast plate. The plate had two buttermilk pancakes, some eggs and an apple. I was only going to eat the apple. Sitting in between Kat and Ezra, I started munching slowly at the apple.

"I hope you aren't planning on just eating that," Kat said. I shrugged. "Peter is going to be over here soon and he's not going to be happy."

"I couldn't care less." I tried to act tough but I did care. I didn't like to get into trouble preferring to staying in the shadows were I wouldn't get noticed. It was how I made it at home most of the time and I wasn't about to give it up now. All I needed to do was pretend to be getting better and get out. It shouldn't be that hard. After all by now I am an expert at faking.

"How is everyone this morning?" Peter asked standing behind Shelby. Mutters were heard from around the table. "What was that Shelby?"

"I said I would be better if I actually had some damn coffee."

"Thats not going to happen," Kat said. "I tried that for almost three weeks and it never worked."

Shelby turned. "I wasn't talking to you!"

"Shelby chill." Peter said. "Juliet, you are not going to leave until you finish at least a quarter of your breakfast."

I groaned and hoped that he would leave so that I could just throw the meal away. Luck, however, was not with me because Peter decided to join us at the table.

"Why are we having to endure your presence?" Shelby asked.

"Because believe it or not you guys are one of my favorite groups."

"Lucky us," Shelby murmured and I couldn't help but agree. So much for becoming invisible.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

I tried to listen as Jeff taught us in science class but I couldn't focus. My mind just wouldn't stop replaying the conversation with Peter during breakfast.

_I had set down my fork after eating two bites of my eggs and leaned back in the chair. All I wanted to do was run to the nearest bathroom but I suspected that Peter was just as fast as he looked._

"_Your doing good," Peter encouraged, having moved to the seat across from me when the others had left. "Just a couple more bites and we'll call it good."_

"_I can't eat anymore," I said. "Why can't you people just leave me alone? I was doing just fine."_

"_Juliet," Peter sighed. "You've had two hospitalizations in the past seven months. You aren't doing fine and I'm not going to give up. Since, you can't eat right now, why don't we talk until you can eat those last bites?" _

_I frowned. I didn't like the sound of that. "What about?"_

_He shrugged. "Whatever you feel like. If you need help starting, why don't you tell me about home?"_

"_What about it?"_

"_What is your family like? How was school? Your teachers? Just describe it to me."_

"_Well, I live in a two story house in a gated community. School is one of the best private schools in the neighborhood. My teachers were okay but nothing special. I didn't see why they were working there is they weren't spectacular."_

"_What about your family?"_

"_They're okay."_

By the time I was finished with my breakfast, I had been assigned to write a two page paper about Home. Well, it could've been worse.

"Juliet?" Jeff asked interrupting her thoughts.

"Yes?"

"Do you know the answer?" I shook my head. "I would like to speak to you after class. Now, who can tell me what a habitat is?"

Shelby was the first with her hand up and she smirked snidely as she said, "A habitat is a place where organisms naturally occur."

"Very good Shelby." Jeff said. Jeff turned to the board and continued his lecture on the ecosystem as I tried to pay attention.

It didn't work. Every couple of minutes my mind wondered. What was my mom doing now? How was her husband...What was his name? Was it sad that I couldn't remember? Then my mind wondered to how many calories I ate today. I groaned. I didn't even want to think about it.

"Juliet," Auggie said quietly. I turned to him. "Class is over."

I started to pack away my things while Jeff made his way over to where I now stood.

"Juliet, was something bothering you during class today," he asked in a strangely caring voice. He didn't even know me how could he care.

I shook my head. "No, sir. I'm sorry, my mind just couldn't focus."

"Don't worry about it. Everyone's first days in the classroom are hard." He looked at me sternly. "Just don't make it a habit, okay?"

I nodded. I just wanted him to leave me alone so I could get to my next class on time. I hated being the focus of everyone's attention.

"Alright. You can go on. Make sure you do your homework tonight."

What homework? I guess I would have to ask one of the other cliffhangers what tonights homework was. I sighed and started on my way to English.

English was horrible. The topic was some book that the teacher, Rodger, had assigned so I was clueless as to what they were talking about. I tried to write notes as to who the characters were, what the plot line was and what was so significant about the climax but ended up only getting myself confused. What was the point of even trying? Mother couldn't do anything to me here, though I could hear the echoing of her words in my head.

"_Try harder. You'll never be able to catch up to your sisters and brothers but don't make a fool of me or yourself. I raised you better than that."_

She said that every time I made less than an 'A' on anything. I shook my head trying to clear her out of my thoughts.

At the end of class, Auggie once again had to tell me that it was over.

"I'll be at lunch in a bit." I said. "I just want to finish up something really quick."

He nodded and left the classroom with the other students. I quickly gathered my things and strolled to the door. I wanted to find someplace quiet where I could work on homework. I ended up finding a little spot on the edge of campus under a tree and got down to work.

The essay for Peter wasn't as hard as he would undoubtedly be thinking it was. I just fed him the same lines that I told anyone else who asked about my family and where I grew up.

I grew up in a nice neighborhood and went to the best private school around. My mother was a wonderful woman who cared for me deeply and my father was always available if I needed him.

I wondered if it would sound as fake to him as it did to me. What did it matter anyway? I was writing the essay he told me to write and on the first day he assigned it too. That was probably more than he got from some of the other kids here.

A shadow loomed over me like a dark cloud. I looked up to see Peter staring down at me.

"Is there a reason that you are out here and not a lunch with the other students?"

"I'm working on homework." I held up the essay I had just finished rewriting. "See? All done."

He nodded. "I look forward to reading it but for now you are going to lunch."

Peter walked me to the lunch room and sat with me while I picked at the food. All the while, he was lecturing me about missing meals.

"Listen," I said. "I get the point. I will be coming to meals from now on."

"Good."

I took a small bite of turkey sandwich consciously aware that Peter was watching me.

"Do you have to do that?" I asked putting the sandwich down.

"Do what?"

"Watch me eat. It makes me nervous."

"Why?" He asked sounding concerned.

I shrugged. "It just does. I don't like people staring at me."

He smiled. "I wouldn't either."

I smiled back at him. Maybe this was a break through. I guess things could only get better. I would have to see.

AN: Sorry, its been so long. I'll try to update more regularly, though I'm not sure how much longer I'll drawl this story out. I may only add one more chapter after this. Please review.


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